Oh No! How do I respond to wifely submission as a modern Christian woman?
Submission in marriage is definitely a hot topic that is very polarizing in our culture right now. It is a Biblical command that is currently under attack. In our society, where submission is viewed as weak and oppressive, many of us Christians are knocked back when accused with following such an “misogynistic” doctrine. In fact, many Christians just avoid the topic completely, rarely teaching on the subject of marriage and glazing over the “difficult” doctrines.
As a modern woman, I am told to be bold, loud, a leader who can do anything I put my mind to who doesn’t need a man to hold me down. I am told to rise up and shake off the chains of patriarchal society that has held me in bondage for so long. If I don’t follow this cultural command or doctrine, then I am weak and still dominated by man’s influence and unable to fully be myself and accomplish my goals.
But…the Bible says something very different than what our culture tells us! And here we are placed in the precarious position of culture vs Biblical doctrine yet again. We must chose whose rules we will follow because, make no mistake, both are rules. Popular culture acts as if it is free choice, but we know that is not the case – it is a morality albeit their own morality. They have rules for how a woman should act and perceive herself. And when you don’t follow the rules of popular culture, you are weak. So, I repeat, both culture and the Bible provide a set of rules to follow, a moral code if you will. Which will we choose? Well, which one produces a better result for society and the individual?
There are a few places in the Bible that deal specifically with marriage and a woman’s need to submit to her husband. The passage that I recently studied and that prompted this article was 1 Peter 3:1-6 so it is this passage that I have written out below:
1 Peter 3:1-6 (KJV)3 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Let me give a little context to this passage. In 1 Peter chapters 1 and 2, Peter has spoken of the status of believers as a new people chosen by God (Christians) who have the honor of experiencing grace and partaking in building Christ’s spiritual temple of which Christ is the cornerstone. In light of this honor, how we live our lives should reflect our status as God’s people. We follow our example in Jesus Christ, and we live in such a way that people who do not have the Word of God can see our testimony and come to Christ. Peter tells us to live righteous lives. We are to submit to the government over us. It is then that Peter moves from submission in the public arena to submission at the home which is now at our passage.
The passage is quite clear: wives are to submit to their husbands and live with a “meek and quiet spirit” focusing on the the inward embellishment rather than outward appearance (note: “meek” is another word for humble and “quiet” is another word for peaceable). It is obviously the exact opposite of what our culture tells women to do now. Women are told by our culture that they don’t need a husband and if they have one, to rule over him because she can do it better. Women are told to be proud and disagreeable whenever needed to get what they need. Women can and should use their outward appearance to get what they want and much of her worth is based on how she looks.
Ironically, our culture promotes their selfish female agenda and then wonder why marriages are failing. They advance fanatical feminism and then act surprised that society is decaying. They tear down family and then take people to task for children left alone to phones and tablets with less empathy, social interaction, and father figures. In order to protect their sin, they blame these failures on the wealthy or bad education never once looking at their own agenda and it’s devastating consequences.
For Christians, the answer is plain to see! God has it right. He always did! When we follow the rules of Biblical marriage, we build stronger marriages that in turn strengthen the individuals associated with that marriage and society as a whole. And in Biblical marriage, a wife’s submission to her husband is a requirement.
This passage speaks of a women who, motivated by spiritual love for her husband, submits to his leadership in order to provide a testimony for the kingdom of God. She puts God first before herself. She acts in a way that will help her husband see the Word of God in action and hopefully come to Christ (or if he is already a Christian, he could be a better one). It is by being humble and a peacemaker that she shows him God’s Word and not through outward appearance which eventually fades. She not only obeys him, but she honors him as well (as Sarah did with her husband Abraham vs. 6). She rests on God to move in their marriage to bring her husband into a relationship with Him.
If we stopped here, perhaps our culture would have a point in their accusations against the Bible regarding women. It would seem that all of the pressure is placed on women. Of course it would be much easier to act submissive and peaceable if your husband is a good person! But the passage continues and turns to men and how they should act in marriage. As is so common with Bible critics, many conveniently only speak on the passages that they think further their point and ignore the complete context and surrounding passages. Take a look at the next verse in 1 Peter 3, verse 7.
1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Wow! The Bible also has rules for men in marriage! In fact, it is quite strict on men. He is the live with his wife and “know” her. To really get to know someone takes time, dedication, and care. He is told to honor her and understand her physical limitations. He knows that while their earthly ministries and roles are different, spiritually they are equals (both heirs).
The fact is, whether we like it or not, the Bible clearly identifies different roles for men and women in marriage. But both roles are characterized by the same spiritual love for the other. When both components, husband and wife, are working correctly, the entire machine of marriage runs smoothly. A godly wife encourages a husband to be godly and vice versa. When one component or both fail, the marriage breaks down. Of course, we are sinners. We are flawed human beings that can and will fail. Sadly, this failure has led to broken marriages. But, we must understand that this doesn’t mean marriage as a whole is broken or that the aspect of being a godly wife or husband is wrong! We just need to fix the components. How do we do that? Through Christ alone. He can change our hearts and give us the strength we need to be the best marriage partner possible.
The different roles outlined in the Bible can and does produce envy. It is true that men in the past have taken advantage of their leadership role and used it inappropriately and even with evil intentions (which is clearly against how they are commanded to act as described in verse 7). However, that is not a fault of God’s marriage doctrine but a fault of our sinful nature. The problem was with those men, who will answer for their actions. And furthermore, does the failings of past men give us the right as women to commit the same sin of stepping outside of our God given role? No. We too will be judged for our actions if we do the same thing.
But what if our marriage partner is not a Christian who follows God’s marriage plan? It is our culture that promises a “happily ever after” with the right person. But, we all know that is not reality. Marriage is hard and people mess up. The Bible never promised us an easy life. In fact, it assured us we would experience suffering and this is certainly an area that a Christian can emotionally and mentally suffer. But, we are responsible for our own actions. So, we focus on doing right as the Bible says and place our trust on God to work out the other person. We live in a sinful world with sinful people. Sadly, the sin of others sometimes affects our lives. However, we must continue forward focusing on making our component of marriage run better in the hope that our partner will do the same even if it is prompted by our example.
At the end of the day, the war between our popular culture and the Bible persists. It will do so until Christ’s return. Our rebellious nature desires to do the opposite of what God requires. We do this despite the fact that we only continue to hurt ourselves and our society. To be a strong woman doesn’t mean you have to be loud and proud. It doesn’t mean you have to walk all of over your husband or men in general. It doesn’t mean you have to be beautiful or powerful or rich. Spiritual beauty and power is inward and can never fade or be taken away. It can alter hearts and minds by testifying of Christ’s love living inside of you. That is true power. As husbands and wives, with God’s help, we hold the keys to unlocking a great marriage. When we submit to God’s design and plan in our lives, everything begins to fall into place. This truly takes a humble and peaceable spirit to accomplish!
As a modern Christian woman, I will not shy away from the doctrine of submission in marriage. It is vital and good for a marriage. I have a role that is defined by God and I am ok with that. I will also hold husbands to the high standard that the Bible outlines for them. When we as husbands and wives both work together in the plan for marriage that God designed, our marriages will be stronger than ever before. It takes two to tango after all and only we can control our own steps in the dance of life. Your partner must choose to dance with you! Sometimes, our partners fail and our submission to our husbands feel pointless. Focus on obedience and place yourself in God’s will and let God guide your partner’s steps.
Do you have a question? Do you have something to add? Leave a comment below or on my contact page! I am more than happy to engage in friendly discussions. Thank you!